Back to réalité

To my loyal blog followers (all five or so of you): never fret. After a blog-less week in England, I have now returned to the land of astonishingly clean trains, strange sweet cheese yoghurts and amazingly long school holidays ready and waiting with more French adventures to captivate and delight your attentive ears.

             Firstly, it must be said that half term was glorious. It was such a novelty being able to walk down the streets and fully understand every passing conversation that at times I had to consciously rein myself in so as to avoid nodding in rapt agreement at the various musings of complete strangers, thereby proclaiming my Englishness to the world. Saying that, I had something of a shock yesterday in Rouen, (where I visited what has to be the biggest travelling funfair I’ve ever seen; it even had rollercoasters!) when an elderly man at the café table next to me leant over and bantered as only the English can that: ‘you better watch what you say now!’ whilst his wife chuckled cheekily into her chocolat chaud.

            But I digress. Initially, the thought of a five and a half hour ferry crossing from Le Havre to Portsmouth seemed positively nauseating. However, I happened to bump into a couple of familiar faces which made for a much more pleasant journey. That, and the accidental booking of a ‘club class’ seat, which I unwittingly paid an extra five pounds for, thinking (albeit naively) that if I didn’t reserve a place, I would have to spend the entire five hours standing up....not my cleverest moment, and a decision which meant I duly left my friends in the bar for at least an hour in order to ‘get my money’s worth’.  As if that wasn’t segregation enough, I also received a green ‘club class’ sticker, which I wore with pride until I realised that not one of my fellow luxury lounge occupants appeared to share the same sense of belonging, probably having realised the error of their ways long before I did.

             My time in England was spent half catching up with people in Southampton, and half with family in Kent. Over the course of eight days, I managed to fit in three visits to London (one being to the Dr Who Experience which I would massively recommend to any Who-vians out there), an interview for the BBC Breakfast Show (not as grand as it sounds; we were simply stopped in the street), several episodes of Strictly Come Dancing and a roast duck. A rather exhausting list, I’m sure you’ll agree. I even attempted some reading for my ‘dissertation’; the dreaded Year Abroad Research Project, or YARP, to make it sound slightly friendlier.

             And now I’m back, after a speedy Eurostar trip to Paris and a particularly embarrassing moment in the women’s toilets at Gare St Lazare where my cubicle door was opened in front of a ten-strong queue of staring French women. Still, never mind. ‘We all look the same’, as my Auntie would say....

             Moving on, something else which must be mentioned is my pre-half term trip to a French karaoke bar. In England, the concept of a karaoke night is usually associated with cheesy pop songs, wannabe X-factor auditionees who are not quite up to scratch, and hoards of ‘boozed up’ students, office workers and stag parties. In France, it seems this is not the case. For a start, contrary to the misleading (though clearly effective) flyer I had received in the street, this particular bar was largely empty. I would estimate the average age of the punters at around 56, and every single person could actually sing, to the point where one woman actually called herself Edith Piaf. Three rowdy English assistants did not fit in with such an ambiance whatsoever, and so, naturally, we decided to ironically illustrate this with our first song choice: the all-time school disco classic, Aqua’s ‘Barbie Girl’. After the initial surprise, I think the Frenchies enjoyed our rendition; a couple clapped along, and Edith Piaf and her friends then proceeded to cheer ‘allez les anglaises’ whenever we approached the DJ booth for our next performance. In total, we sang four times, following Aqua with Robbie Williams ‘Feel’, Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ and Michael Jackon’s ‘Thriller’, complete with monster hand gestures which my friend filmed for future comedy gold. Needless to say, it was hilarious (but will not be shared on YouTube or Facebook anytime soon).

             So now it is ‘back to réalité’, and my life as an English assistant continues. On the cards for this week is several lessons on Bonfire Night (‘how many times does Katy Perry say the word firework in her song? Answer: six), a trip to nearby village Etretat and Le Havre nightlife: Round 2 where I will once again embark upon the quest to find ‘proper’ French friends. Wish me luck!